In the year 2056 AD the Earth... The Ayn Rand Institute, with the aid of the reformed Mormon Tabernacle of Ouray, Colorado... a last-ditch attempt at saving the human race from the evils of socialism...


The first-Ever Objectivist Science Fiction Review


Rational Ends: Rand's Head Floating through Space
a review of "Objectivists in Space" and "The Floating Head of Ayn Rand"

By a serious, anonymous academic

from introduction, page xv:

the disembodied head of the pseudo-philosopher ideologue, left to the vast emptiness of the Real with nothing but a space helmet ... maintains consciousness by the sheer power of her indomitable will.  Rand, who maintained that man is in fact an island unto himself (to the chagrin of every philosopher since the seventeenth century) is left to the paradise of her own ego, with an unlimited amount of time and space for her to fill with the wonders of her creativity ...  One imagines the power of Rand's raging words echoing through a dark nebula, "let there be reason!"...  to which a completely understandable and totally predictable and controllable force responds by organizing hydrogen and helium into new self-aware molecules that in no way resemble Leibniz's mysitcal monads..."

from page 324:

"In the opening of this ingenious episode of Science Fact, [Ayn Rand's disembodied cosmonaut head] has, through the sheer force of rhetoric, dispossessed various races of aliens from their various collectivisms and superstitions ... strangely [the authors] even go so far as to suggest that the various races of science-fiction characters recognizable in their ur-forms, such as the proto-ferengi (whose society was modeled off of Rand's Capitalist Manifesto, as opposed to the proto-ewoks, who adopted Rand's Anti-Industrial Revolution instead) [were organized] by Rand's floating head at some point in the distant past.  Because of criticism that this sequence is a-historical, [the authors] cite Rand's theory of anti-relativity [Rand's theory of time travel]...  On conflicting matters of the election by Rand of several Science-Fact species, [the authors] engage in a hermeneutics of consent.  One prominent example of this involves the proto-ferengi, with their lust, greed and utter lack of interest in anything remotely transcendent, and how it is possible that they do in fact share the same beneficent creator in Rand as the Vulcans, a race of purely-logical ubermensch along more-mainstream Objectivist lines... in both cases, a theosophical polemic has been initiated as to the transcendental rationality of the deified Floating Head of God, which has yet to be fully explored."

page 689:

"All questions of sexuation on the plane of immanence aside, it is clear that Rand, in her now legendary space-bound form, is clearly interested in the erotic nature of black hole 2007-69-S in its relation of dominance over the spiral galaxy which it is violently devouring..."

page 1082:

"Ayn Rand's theory of time travel, which she humorously referred to as "tiddly-wink relativism for dolts" first came to her while she was writing a Hollywood script that necessitated just such a device...  [The authors] explain her elegent "completely rational" theory as "de-mystified deontological and theosophic motifs, sans subjectivity, as applied to a matrix of vectors derived from subset feedback algorithms."  If their interpretation is correct, a similar method could be applied to myriad superstitious beliefs as various as unicorns and Mormonism, leading to results as improbable as the election of Paul Ryan."

page 1149:

"Theirs [the future objectivist community's,] is a post-apocalyptic world devoid of all content... it is a cosmos of purely noumenal forms that act according to formulaic phenomenal logic that is in no way influenced by emotion.  In the aftermath of the collectivist uprising of 2056 against their corporate overlords, the Randians ... have obliterated all emotive non-conformity.  Their foundational bedrock is not the Cartesian ego.  It is the ego of the Great Leader, the Floating Head of Ayn Rand Who Brought Them Out From the Land of Socialism Into the Promised Land of Total Libidinal Freedom, where there is no Big Other, objet petit a, or otherness in general.  These future generations of objectivists are truly the Her-Not-Yet-Un-Chosen People."


Rational Ends: Rand's Head Floating through Space
a review of "Objectivists in Space" and "The Floating Head of Ayn Rand"

By a serious, anonymous academic

"A well-timed analysis fully consistent within itself, absolutely no contradictions that I could see." ~ Michael Berliner, Co-Chairman of the Board of Directors at the Ayn Rand Institute and Senior Advisor to the Ayn Rand Archives.

"Reads better than Fountainhead, with ideas more relevant than Atlas Shrugged, and at least as much rough sex.  Very stimulating." ~ David Kelley, Co-Chairman of the Board of Directors at the Ayn Rand Institute.

"I did not vote for anything remotely related to this.  When it comes to philosophy I prefer something that isn't pure fantasy, so Ayn Rand is out.  Way out.  When I said that Ayn Rand was the reason I got into politics what I meant to say was something else.  But yeah, the book.  Yeah.  My budget has nothing to do with that book.  Next trick question." ~Hon. Paul Ryan, US House of Representatives.

"My therapist said that reading Ayn Rand was worse than getting raped by a gang of self-proclaimed executives.  Does that make it wrong?" ~Yaron Brook, Junior.

"Eat your goddamn cheerios.  Refooooorm!"
~The Floating Head of Ayn Rand